


4th of July

by Lykanthropa



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 04:37:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15162830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lykanthropa/pseuds/Lykanthropa
Summary: It is the 4th of July. The Independence Day of America. And as a die-hard American patriot, it's important to Soldier that everyone on the team who is not American does not feel deferred on that day, so he'll include them on this holiday. Like every year. But this time, Medic, Heavy and the others fight back. Soldier does not understand why. He only meant well after all.





	4th of July

**Be an American!**  
**It's just once a year after all, maggots!**

  
_Medic saunters comfortably through the old town of his beautiful Rottenburg. The sun is shining and the people are greeting him kindly on his way._  
_His snow-white doves roam the bright blue sky with their elegant flying skills and look completely carefree. An indeed life-affirming sight._  
_Just a wonderful day today. Just like yesterday and the day before yesterday and all the days before that._  
_Medic draws the clean air deep into his lungs and exhales very slowly. Could something make this day even better?_

 _“Good day, sir.”_  
_Suddenly, Medic is approached by a strange man with a distinctive accent._  
_“I wish you a good day too” he answers._  
_“How about a new haircut, sir?”_  
_“Hmm?”_  
_“Forgive me. I'll introduce myself. My name is Doe and I am the new hairdresser of this small, tranquil town.”_  
_Just now does Ludwig notice the shield behind the man who calls himself Doe. A small beechwood sign hangs above the entrance to a small, unassuming barbershop with gilded hinges. The salon for the Germans of yesterday - is written on it with white brush paint._  
_A very strange name…_  
_“Oh, a barber. I'm really pleased. But I don't need a haircut. I'm completely satisfied with my hair.”_  
_“The visit of the first customer is for free. I don't just cut hair, I dye it too.”_  
_“Well, in fact, I have the feeling that the black of my hair has faded slightly. Do you have ebony black?”_  
_“Of course, sir. I keep every kind of black.”_  
_“Agreed! Then I'm your first customer.”_  
_“Please come in.”_  
_The day CAN be even better!_

 _Even from inside the shop is small and inconspicuous, but it radiates a certain coziness._  
_“Please take a seat here.”_  
_Doe positions himself behind a barber chair with a wide back and a black leather cover. It's one of those fashionable, height-adjustable chairs with foot-supported and thick, comfortable armrests._  
_Truly the jewel of the hairdressing salon. On the wall in front of it is a large mirror with gold decorations on the corners._  
_Ludwig gladly takes a seat. The feeling of sitting in it is wonderful!_  
_“Please lean in and place your arms on the armrests to enjoy the full range of comfort.”_  
_Medic doesn't need to be told twice and is only too happy to follow the barber's friendly request. Back, head and arms are on cloud nine. Ludwig has to pull himself together not to fall asleep._  
_“Do we have it comfortable?”_  
_“Extremely comfortable.”_  
_“Very good.”_  
_The voice of the friendly barber suddenly changes. It sounds sarcastic and slightly vicious. An uncomfortable feeling spreads in Medic._  
_Just as he is about to sit up, suddenly straps appear from the armrest and backrest and tie Medic to the chair._  
_“Got you! Muhahaha!!”_  
_Horrified, the captured German stares into the big mirror in front of him. The man behind him now wears a (too big) soldier's helmet and his clothes have also changed. An American soldier!_  
_“What’s happening?!?”_  
_“I'll tell you what happens here, Kraut. Look outside.”_  
_The peaceful idyll of the pretty old town is destroyed as large, heavy American tanks drive through the streets._  
_“From today, Germany is the property of America and all Germans will be turned into real Americans. And I'll start with you. And the first step to becoming an American soldier is a new hairstyle.”_  
_Doe suddenly holds an electric razor in his hand. On his face a big grin._  
_“B-but I’m a Doktor!”_  
_“So? Then you'll become a military, American paramedic. And they have exactly the same hairstyle as a proud American soldier.”_  
_“Are you a patriot or is it a mental disorder that you must always mention that everything is American?”_  
_“Of course I am an American patriot! And you will be too. With your new, military haircut, Hippie.”_  
_Another strap fixes Ludwig’s head on the headrest and the razor starts to hum._  
_With eyes wide open, Medic has to watch his black hair come loose from his head, along with his curl, which he had always nourished and cherished with so much effort._  
_And Doe’s crazy sing-song resonates throughout the store, throughout the whole city._  
_“U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”_

  
“ **U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!** ”  
Soldier's morning roll call in the corridor rouses Medic out of his nightmare and he sits bolt upright in his bed. Not the first time, but the first time he is grateful to him.  
His room door opens and Soldier sticks his head in.  
“Good morning, cupcake. Get out of bed! We have a long day today.”  
And he’s already gone again.  
“A long day? We have our day off today...”  
Soldier looks so pumped and cheerful. What could that be for a reason? Maybe there is none. Jane is sometimes like a small, moody kid, and the whole team has to bear his moods.

20 minutes later, Medic heads to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. He didn’t meet anyone from the team all morning. It almost seems as if everyone had flown out. Except, of course, Soldier, whose voice echoes from afar through the whole base.  
“ **There you are, maggots! Did you really believe that you could hide from me? I find you always and everywhere!** ”  
What is going on today? Something is different. There's something in the air.  
Medic must think again of his dream. He knows he had that dream, or at least a similar dream, before. But when was that? And in what connection was this dream?  
“I guess I'm getting old.”

When he arrives in the kitchen, Medic approaches the coffee maker. As expected, no coffee is ready. You would think that nine men in one spaces brings advantages but the opposite is the case.  
Scout drinks his energy drinks, Engie and Demo prefer drinking alcohol, Pyro...no idea. Spy only consumes wine and tea (as Medic actually does, too but in the early morning it just has to be coffee) and Heavy (secretly) drinks vodka, albeit very little.  
So the only ones who drink coffee are he, Medic, Sniper, and Soldier. However, Sniper has his own camp stove, which he keeps in his van, and Soldier keeps his own coffee in a separate thermos bottle, which he actually drinks only when he dominates an enemy. It takes a while for the coffee to be used up, which is why Soldier has to keep warming it up - but Medic suspects that he's drinking it cold too…  
To cut a long story short, Medic always has to cook the coffee by himself. Every morning.  
But it's done quickly and only a few minutes later, Medic enjoys the early morning caffeine boost.  
With the steaming coffee cup in his hand, Ludwig makes his way back to the infirmary. Today he intends to start a new experiment on baboon livers. He's worried about Tavish's livers. He is always so proud of them because their tolerates tons of alcohol. But eventually this will be over. And then he will need Medic and his baboon livers. Medic wanted to do that for quite a while, but as a mercenary you has little free time.

On the way, he passes one of the provocative calendars that are spread throughout the base. Without a specific reason, he casts a glance at it - and the coffee runs into his windpipe, causing a violent cough attack.  
Now he knows why Soldier behaves this way today. It's just like last year. How could he forget that? That's why the Mercs have their day off today.  
Today is the 4th of July…  
Soldier's favorite day…  
“Oh no…”  
“There you are, maggot!”  
Startled, Medic swirls around. Soldier stands in front of him.  
“You probably wanted to make yourself scarce, too, eh? But not today!”  
“I wanted… I just wanted…”  
“Quit it! So, sister. You may now choose whether you want to be Governor Morris or George Washington.” The die-hard patriot holds up two costumes.  
Last year, July 4th was already exhausting, but that's new. It seems to get worse every year.  
“... … …”

  
“„♫O! say can you see♫by the dawn’s early light, What so proudly we hailed♫at the twilight’s last gleaming. Whose broad stripes and bright stars♫through the perilous fight, O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?♫”  
Soldier had forced his team into the common room, which is decorated with blue-and-white-red garlands and American flags on the walls. And even the Mercs are decorated in American style. In the form of costumes from American founding fathers and presidents. However, only the non-Americans.  
Pyro sits in a cage on the wall, also in a costume. It's brown, has wings and a tail. When Heavy asked what he's portrays, Soldier replied with pride that he's America's national symbol. A griffin - half eagle, half lion. The strongest and proudest animals in the world.  
“And what about the bear?” Medic had asked. And Soldier had answered, “A bear? You mean a teddy bear like the Berlin bear?”

Scout and Engie are standing to the left and right of Soldier, who had positioned himself in front of the table where the disguised Mercs are sitting, and sings the American national anthem with his right hand on his chest. The notes are unbearable crooked, but no one dares to interrupt him. On days like this he's unpredictable.  
Scout and Engie sing too. Engie rather reserved, but Scout with a little more vigor.  
For the suffering Mercs it feels like an eternity, until the song is finally sung to the end.  
“Finally. Now I can take off this stupid costume, yes? The beard starts to itch.”  
Spy wants to doff the annoying thing but Soldier slams both hands on the table.  
“Abraham Lincoln is a proud beard bearer, Maggot! It will stays!”  
“Don't pretend you knew him personally” Spy says, cross his arms.  
“I know him personally! He is sitting in front of me after all!”  
“Pah!”  
“I have a question... Who am I?”  
“Your name is Francis Scott Key, you Scottish ignorant!”  
“Okay… And what did he do?”  
“Do I really have to explain everything to you?”  
“Please excuse me for not knowing much about American history! I'm surprised you know so much about it.”  
“I am American! Of course I know about the history of my country!”  
“Oh yeah? If so, then you should also know that this land originally belonged to the Indians! And not you or any other American. So stop pretending that everything is yours!”  
“Oh Demo…”  
A dangerous growl escapes Soldier's throat. Dell and Jeremy take a step back.  
“Of course, this land belongs to me! Just as your asses! Everything is listening to my command!”  
Now, Tavish shoots up from his chair and glares at Jane across the table. “May I remind you, lad, that you have the role of the soldier here? And what do soldiers do? They take orders, and give none!”  
Suddenly Soldier holds his disciplinary whip in his hand. It pops loud as he slams it in the palm of his hand. It doesn't need words anymore. Demoman sits down on his chair without further ado and remains silent. He has gone too far, he knows. Often Soldier is like an idiot and you have to scold him once he has messed up again. But on days like these, it's best not to mess with Jane.  
“Want another one of you Europeans mess with me?”  
“Um... I'm not a European.”  
“But you're still not an American, Aussie!”  
“Yes, but we also speak English! In addition to... 250 other languages, since the Europeans have settled down at our place. Or maybe more...”  
“AHA! So you are a half European too!”  
George Washington remains silent subsequently.

“I'll be right back. Then I test your knowledge of this proud land. After all, you have lived here for several years.” And with these words Soldier leaves the room. Dell is a bit ashamed and doesn’t dare to look the other in the eye. Jeremy, however, enjoys the situation. Spy feels provoked.  
“What are you grinning so stupidly? Actually, you're not that patriotic, Scout.”  
“That's true, but I like how the hard helmet goofs off you.”  
“Engie, can you not talk to him?”  
“I would, but in these phases Soldier is very inaccessible. He wouldn't listen to me. Just do what he says. The day is over quickly.”  
“Such days never end…”  
“Here I am, maggots!” Soldier enters the room; with a thick book under his arm. The table trembles as Soldier drops the book on it with a loud bang.  
“What's this? A quiz book?”  
“Quiet! I'll ask you questions one after another. And woe to him who doesn’t know the answer!”  
“What about Scout?”  
The runner flinches.  
“’ow about if you ask the boy a few questions first?”  
Scout's expression on his face shows that he certainly does not know much about American history. But Spy should have known what Soldier would answered.  
“I don’t need that! He is an American!”  
Scout exhales (silently) relieved. With his mouth he forms _"Fuck you, Spy!"_ and holds up his middle finger.  
Soldier notices nothing from all this. His whole attention is on the non-Americans. He opens the book and flips the pages.  
Engie and Scout look over his shoulder with interest - and then look at each other in wonderment.  
“My first question is addressed to the Honorable Benjamin Franklin.”  
Some of the Mercs look at each other questioningly.  
“Heavy, that's you” Medic whispers to the Russian.  
“D-da?”  
“Who started the Cold War and who will win it?”  
“Umm…”  
“What is that for a question? I thought you were asking questions about American history or the people we embody today with these costumes.”  
“Did I already ask your question, Fritz?”  
“………”  
“So, Commie, who started the Cold War and who will win it?”  
“I-I don’t know…”  
“Should that surprise me?”  
“Heavy can not look in the future! And I do not know who started. Heavy does not understand politics a lot.”  
“Failed! But lest you die stupid, I'll tell you the answer. The Soviet Union has started the war and America will end it by winning!”  
“You cannot look into the future too, Soldier. Or did Merasmus help you?”  
“I don't need Merasmus to know that America will win! I know that! The next question concerns Francis Scott Key.”  
Tavish's eye rolls annoyed in its cave.  
“It's about today's day of honor America. How can it be that America was able to free itself from England, but Scotland is failed to do so?”  
“…what?”  
“Correct! Because America is great and strong! Quite different than you. Or do you skirt carriers like to boss around by this billycocks and tea drinkers?”  
“How dare you? We are not England's slaves! We are united!”  
“And then came Ireland and has also united with England named _United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland_. Or where in this name is Scotland?”  
Demoman clenches his hands into fists. For a moment, he thinks about to attacks Soldier, but reconsiders and instead folds his arms offended.

Medic, Sniper and Spy look at each other. The three know what's going to happen to them. And they know that Soldier is going a step too far this year. They knew from the beginning that he's a hardcore patriot. And, in fact, they've gotten used to the fact that he makes fun of them or insults them sometimes. But this is just humiliating.  
“Now to you, Frenchie.”  
“Oh please.”  
“Tell me, how was it possible that France couldn't conquer America but Canada?”  
“…because America is great?”  
“Positive! And because the Canadians are a bunch of weaklings! You're not that stupid, Spy.”  
“I just said what you wanted to ‘ear. The reality looks a little different. North America was taken possession of France and was partly a colonized territory called la Nouvelle-France.”  
“Wat?”  
“New France. For 229 years. You can imagine ‘ow many Americans ‘ave French ancestors. Maybe you too?”  
“I come from the heart of America!”  
“That doesn’t matter at all.”  
“Pah! I would rather have German ancestors and even that I don't hope so. Even if that were the case there is hardly an American who speaks French. Unlike the Canadians! And I am neither French nor Canadian! And no German!”  
“Yes… And their French sounds ‘orrible.”  
Soldier lets his growling laugh sound as he turns his head to Medic.  
“C’mere, sister.”  
Ludwig rolls his eyes annoyed. If Soldier wants to boast about how great America is and his gaze stays on him, then it can only be about one topic…  
“Who kicked Germany in the ass during World War II?”  
“………”  
“Answer!”  
Medic takes a deep breath. Press on regardless!  
“I know you want to believe that America defeated Germany. But actually it was the Russians who gave the Germans the coup de grâce.”  
Heavy lowers his head ashamed.  
“That's a lie!! America has defeated Germany!”  
“It was Russia. Ende.”  
Medic folds his arms. That's the last straw! He doesn't want to be constantly treated like a second-class person just because he's not an American.

Soldier slams both hands on the table until it trembles.  
“I forbid these impudence!” And with these words he rushes out of the room again.  
“Was that really Russia?” Mundy asks.  
“Well” replies Medic, “I don’t know that either. I haven't dealt with it so far. But I know that even France claims to have defeated Germany.”  
“Pah!” Spy lights a cigarette. “Can we finally talk about something else?”  
“Today is the 4th of July. We knew that would happen. Was not different last year.”  
“Last year was not that bad. Soldier only forbade us to say a single word in our mother tongue. And now we have to wear those stupid costumes and answer stupid questions to prove to Soldier that he's above us. I'm fed up!”  
“Aye! Me too! What is he actually thinking?”  
“Probably nothing…”  
“Hey, Pardners. Take a look at Soldier's book.” Engineer pushes the thick book across the table over to the others.  
What they see surprises them.  
“What the…!?”  
The Mercs have assumed that the book is about America. Well, actually it is about America but the pictures and texts are homemade. An originally empty book, which Soldier had filled out with his scrawl and underexposed sense of artistic representation.  
The texts are about how great America is and how lame other countries are. The pictures show on each page a big American flag and under it various other country flags. German - French - English - Russian...  The colors of the German and the French, as well as the Russian flag are reversed.  
“I might ‘ave guessed” Spy moans. “These stupid questions ‘e asked, he cannot possibly ‘ave from a real textbook.”  
“Well, it's a legitimate textbook for him.”  
“This guy really lives in his own world.”  
“Yeah, in the American world.”  
Actually, Tavish's saying was not meant funny, nevertheless it makes the mercenaries laugh. Even Spy has to smile.

“What’s going on here, fagots?”  
Soldier is back in the room; the whip at the ready.  
“What are you doing with my book?!” The patriot rushes over to the Mercs, slamming the book shut with such a force that blows Spy's cigarette out of his mouth and tucks it under his arm.  
“That’s mine!”  
“We just took a short look” Mundy defends himself and the others.  
“Yeah, yeah yeah! It's always the same with you non-Americans! You always want our secrets! But as long as Jane is Doe, I will not let that happen! And you two?” Soldier turns to Engineer and Scout. “You just let it happen? Traitors! You just cannot trust the foreigners! And something else. As from today, only English is spoken!”  
Now it's Heavy who slams his hands on the table. He gets up from his chair and looks menacingly down at Soldier.  
“Don't talk to Heavy like that!”  
“Easy, Heavy.” Medic puts a hand on his shoulder. “I'm sure Soldier will apologize. Right, Soldier?”  
“Why should I do that?”  
Now the foreign Mercs are moving together.  
“Because the _foreigners_ are in the majority.”  
“………”  
“And you can certainly not forbid us to speak in our mother tongue. Am I right?”  
“Da!”  
“Oi!”  
“Aye!”  
“Oui.”  
“It just figures that the Nazi would take the lead.”  
Engineer is clearly uncomfortable with how the situation develops. Sensitive, he tries to bring Soldier to reason. But he doesn't get further than his name because Spy leans back in his chair and takes the floor.  
“My dear Soldier, we are not the problem, but you.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Very simple. You put us in the costumes of, I 'ave to say, great Americans. It's even a 'onor for us to be dressed like the Founding Fathers and Presidents on a day like this one. And you know why? Because America is partly our home too. We feel just as comfortable 'ere as we are at our 'omeland. We 'ave accept it. Why can't you accept that foreigners 'ave a 'ome in America? Celebrating the 4th of July with just as much enthusiasm as Americans. You probably let us wear these costumes for several reasons. But first and foremost, to 'ide that we are not Americans. And even that doesn't work. You attack us anyway. Or do you 'ave no respect for Abraham Lincoln or George Washington?”  
“O-of course, Sir!” Soldier salutes.  
Scout leans over to Engineer and whispers, “This guy is insane.”  
As if Soldier has heard that, he turns to them. “Why don’t you salute our Honorable Presidents and Founding Fathers?”  
“You are insane!”  
Jane hits Jeremy on the back of his head.  
“Ow!”  
“Chest out!” And there is another blow with the whip on the butt. With a renewed outcry Scout stands straight up and his arm moves almost automatically upwards to get into salute position. Engineer doesn’t want to undergo disciplinary sanctions and salutes.  
Now the three Americans are standing in front of the rest of the Mercs, saluting and with the utmost respect in body language.  
Except for Scout. He feels extremely provoked by Spy's gaze and spitefulness smile.  
_You'll suffer for this!_  
“Hey, Captain Harthelm.”  
“Silence, Soldier!”  
“I have important information from secret service.”  
“From secret service?”  
“Scout, what are you doing?”  
“Our presidents and founding fathers are spies.”  
“WAT?!”  
“Yeah! I mean look at them!”  
Soldier looks closer at Spy and the others (as far as the oversized helmet allows).  
“Hhmmmm…”  
Facepalm. It's time to bust the guys. And that's proper for a real American, isn't it?  
Jeremy dash at Spy, grabs his Lincoln-beard and pulls it off his face.  
Soldier gasps loudly and grabs his chest in horror.  
“Traitors! Spies! **In my base!** ”  
“Retreat!”  
Heavy, Demo, Medic, Spy and Sniper flee out of the room. Of course, they could defend themselves against Soldier, but if Soldier is in a rage, even Heavy is powerless. High treason is in his eyes the worst sin that can be committed. Jane Doe can't take a joke here…  
While the Mercs flee down the hall, Soldier's voice resonates throughout the base.  
“ **Come back here you treacherous, sneaky, deceitful, cowardly, spying hippies! No one messes with America! And I am Americaaaaaa!** ”  
“Have you often wondered if Soldier has several personalities?”  
“No, but I think ‘e is capable of doing everything.”  
“Now he will sweep through this base like a tornado and make our life hell.”  
“Don't worry. We just hide somewhere and wait until tomorrow. Then everything will be normal.”  
“Yes, until the next 4th of July…”  
“Then we have to do something, so that doesn’t happen anymore. We should teach him a lesson” Heavy suggests.  
“And ‘ow should we do that?”  
“Heavy don’t know yet.”  
“Don't worry, lads. We will come up with something! Finally, we come from five different regions of the world.”  
“And what does that have to do with it? Are you losing your mind like Soldier?”  
“Just sayin’…”

  
Enraged, Soldier strides up and down in the common room.  
“These miserable deceivers. Disguise themself as honorable Americans to deceive me! But no one is fooling me!”  
“Nice goin’, son” Engineer whispers angrily to the boy.  
“That was not my fault! Spy provoked me. And that's what comes of it!”  
“You!” Dell and Jeremy startle. “You will help me to find these deceivers! Engie! You build your Sentrys at each entrance and exit of this base. The dispenser and the teleporter entrance come here. The common room is now our headquarter.”  
“But this whole base is our headquarter…”  
Soldier grabs Scout by the shoulders. “I don't know if you might not have noticed, boy, but our base has been infiltrated! The rats are in the cheese…”  
“And…now?”  
“You will track them down and report back to me.”  
“Me?”  
“Of course! You're a scout, aren't you?”  
“Well…yeah.”  
“ **Then move!** ”  
Before you know it, Scout is already gone.  
“And you? You're still standing here, too.”  
“Jane, don't you think you're exaggerating?”  
Soldier's lips twitch. “What was that, soldier?”  
“I-I mean…”  
Soldier approaches Engineer. “We are at war. There is no ifs and buts.”  
“These are our friends. Our comrades.”  
Soldier's lips twitch again. “I feel like you're sympathetic to America's enemies. Dell...” He takes Engineer by the shoulders. “I need you. You are my closest ally. Don’t abandon me and America. So start positioning your toys now.”  
Dell shakes his head wearily, but he finally agrees to placate Soldier.  
“Thanks, Engie.”  
Soldier wants to leave the room. “What are you going to do, Soldier?”  
“Prepare myself for the war. What else?” And then he's gone.  
Engineer sighs in defeat and finally sets about building the dispenser.  
“Hudda…” Pyro embraces the bars of his cage and looks slightly scared.  
“Don't worry, buddy. You're safe in there until it's all over. Hah, I bet BLU doesn't have such a hassle with their Soldier.”

At the same time in the BLU Base:  
“ **Get down! Get down, maggots! You call that push-ups? My grandmother can it better! Sissies! It's high time that an American gives beans your non-American asses! I will make you get a move on!** ”  
“S-soldier! That’s too much…”  
There is a painful whip on the butt.  
“Did I allow you to speak, Baguette? Bread doesn't talk! And what about you, Kraut? Don't you have any strength anymore?”  
“Fess!”  
Another whiplash.  
“Kraut and baguette. Kraut-Baguette! That's the name for you both now. When I say Kraut-Baguette, you two will spurt, got it? And you, commie? I know you're fat, but come on!”  
Another whiplash echoes through the base. Engineer and Scout sitting in the background and drink their beer and energy drink and enjoy the sight. Pyro lies in the corner and takes a nap with his plush unicorn.  
“Maggots!”  
***smack***

"Well, I bet there is more harmonious than over here.”

  
Entrenched in the basement, European (and Australian) mercenaries squat and think about what to do.  
“Great, I actually feel like an intruder. What is Soldier thinking?”  
“I don't think ‘e thinks anything. I rather believe that ‘e is guided by ‘is instincts.” Spy massages his temples. “First the April 1 with Scout's unbearable jokes, and then the July 4th, when Mon cher Soldier's patriotic spirit gains the upper ‘and.”  
“Don’t forget Halloween, Spook.”  
“Oh yes… ‘alloween is fun.”  
“Nah!”  
Sniper hates Halloween. For a simple reason. On that day Soldier thinks, whatever reason, he is Merasmus. Says he looks like him.  
“Where is a similarity between me and him?”  
“Well, I recognize some similarities too.”  
“What's your problem with me, Spy?”  
“I don't ‘ave any problem with you. I just said that I can also recognize similarities. This big bulbous nose, this 'I am an Idiot' - gaze…”  
Tavish and Misha cannot help smiling.  
“Gaaahhh!”  
“Could we concentrate on thinking about how to give Soldier a piece of his mind?” Medic sighs. “We must stick together now. This is especially important in moments like these. But I think I have an idea.”  
“Really?” The rest of the team is on fire for Medic's words.  
“Well, I think we have to tell him that our home countries have done a lot of good for America.”  
“Hmm… Could maybe work, lad. We have to win his trust. And when we have that, he may leave us alone in the future on 4 July.”  
“And on Halloween!”  
“That's not interesting, Bushman.”  
“Why you…!”  
“Easy, Mundy. One thing at a time. First we'll take care of that, okay?”  
 Medics words soothe the sniper. But he cannot resist to hiss at Spy.  
“But how do we get Soldier to listen?”  
“That's a good question, Heavy. How do you make an American soldier capitulate?”  
“By checkmate his team.”  
“That's right. But we will not checkmate Scout and Engineer but get them on our side.”  
“It's quite possible that Engineer will do that, but not Scout.”  
“He's not a patriot, he just wants to give you a wipe, Spy. But we will certainly get him on our side.”  
“And I ‘ave the feeling that this will ‘appen at my expense.”

“Maybe~”  
The Mercs flinch. Scout sits above them on one of the pipes on the ceiling and grins silly down at them.  
“How did you find us?!?”  
“Aw c’mon. I am the best. Apart from that, it is not too difficult to detect a group of retirees.”  
“Aye! Watch your mouth, boy!”  
“How did you get in here?”  
“Through the ventilation shaft.” Scout proudly points to the hole in the wall.  
“I'm surprised you ‘ave taken this path. The ventilation shaft ‘asn’t been cleaned for years. Quite apart from the creepy-crawlies.”  
“C-creepy-crawlies?”  
“Yes… For example, that spider on your shoulder.”  
“Waaahh!?!” Panicked Jeremy pats down his shoulder, then the other. He moves so hastily that he loses his balance and falls off the pipe. Lucky for him that Heavy was sitting right under him. The friendly Russian catches him in the middle of the air with one hand.  
“Little man is afraid of little spider?”  
On solid ground Scout pats down his clothes. “I- I'm not afraid of spiders” he replies defiantly.  
“Calm down, Scout. There is no spider. Spy fooled you.”  
“Yes, thanks. Nevertheless, it tingles me everywhere now!”  
“Little man is afraid of a small, invisible spider” laughs Heavy.  
“Yeah, yeah, yeah…”  
“What do you want, Scout? I bet Soldier sent you to look for us, am I right?” Medic folds his arms.  
“Yeah, sure. But I didn’t look for you because he told me.”  
“Why you’re here then, mate?”  
“Well, I've heard that you want to get me and Engie on your side. What do I get if I join you?”  
“That doesn’t answer the question of why you went looking for us.”  
“He went looking for us because he's scared shitless in front of Jane. He just doesn't want to admit it.”  
“Hmph! Hey! Better make me a good offer, otherwise I'll go to the hard helmet and peach against you!”  
Heavy rises from his seat in the form of a wooden box. With his arms tightly folded, he stands directly behind Scout; towers over him like a sequoia and looks down at him sternly. The boy has to swallow.  
“Do you really think that, where you are now in our midst, we just let you go that way? That we let ourselves be pressured by you?”  
“Y-you owe me something if I join you. And remember that you need me if you want to get Dell on your side. Soldier has forced him to align his sentries to shoot at anyone who is neither Red nor a Scout, Engineer, or Soldier class.”  
“Are you serious?”  
“Pffft! For all I care. You can try your luck.”  
The mercs look at each other.  
“Okay, lad. What do you want?”  
“Yeah, awesome! Weeellll… You all become my slaves. For, say... three months. You make my room, bring me food and drink and do all my household chores.”  
“You’re feeling fine, boy?”  
“Pah! I prefer to sit in the basement for the rest of the day. Tomorrow Soldier is back to normal anyway.”  
“All right, all right! Then I'll make you another offer. I'm allowed to borrow Spy's cigarette case.”  
“What?!”  
“Hmm… I can live with that. What about you?”  
Everyone agrees, only Spy has objections.  
“Why should you want that? You cannot ‘andle it anyway!”  
“Oh come on, Spook. Give the baby his bottle.”  
“Come on, Spy. Pull yourself together.”  
“If the spook is over, you can ‘ave it. But the using is only under my supervision, understood? And woe, you just want to behave mischievously!”  
“Yeah, yeah. Calm down, gramps.”  
“Hmpf!”  
“Then go, boy.”  
“Alright! I'm back in no time!”  
And with that Scout leaves the cellar. Spy takes out his cigarette case.  
“What you up to?”  
“I will follow ‘im. I don't trust ‘im. ‘e's up to something.”  
At the touch of a button, Spy disguises as Scout.  
“Actually, we would have come up with this idea sooner.”  
“But we should have put Scout away before. This brat would have ruined it.”  
“Haha! I could to get used to hearing Scout talking about himself like that.”  
“Why don't we choose a day in the year where we do somethin’ nice together. You know, as a team. Spy dresses up as all of us and makes a few jokes. As a kind of comedic show” suggests Tavish excited.  
“I’m not a comedian and certainly not here to entertain you.”  
“Don't pretend that you don't even want to have fun at our expense. You're pretty much like Scout.”  
“Well, the apple never falls far from the tree.”  
“That’s not true…”

 _“You died as you lived: **running away!** ”_  
_“Oh, Soldier, who will they ever find to replace you? **Anyone!** Ahahahaha!!”_  
_“You look like death warmed over *chuckles*”_  
_“I've merely finished what your liver started!”_  
_“Aww, too bad this wasn't a pie-eating contest!”_  
_“Yippee ki-yay, my dead, illiterate friend!”_  
_“I'm looking at your x-ray, and I'm afraid **you suck!** ”_  
_“You live in a van! Ahahahahaha!”_  
_“I'll see you in hell... you handsome rogue.”_

“Hmpf!” Without another word, Spy leaves the basement.  
“Oh dear, if that goes wrong.”  
“And we?”  
“We’ll wait here.”

  
The fake scout sneaks through the base. He had lost sight of the real one. This rascal just cannot walk normally, has always to run. But he has an idea. He will visit the common room. As pretty as Soldier had decorated the room, he surely have declared it to the Headquarter.  
But the common room is empty (except for Griffin-Pyro). The teleporter and the dispenser are here, confirming Spy's guess.  
Where could Engineer be? Maybe the teleporter will bring him directly to him?  
But before Spy can use the equipment, Soldier suddenly appears. His rocket launcher on his shoulder - loaded and ready to fire his missiles at the allegedly traitors.  
“What are you doing here, soldier? Did you find the enemy?”  
“Uumm… No, not yet.”  
“Hadn't I been clear enough that I don't want to see you here any more, until you did your job?” Soldier raises his voice. Actually, he always talks loudly. But now he's talking loudly because he's in a rage. Really unbearable. But Spy must not break character.  
“I have not found them yet, but I think I know where they are right now.”  
“Who?”  
“In the abandoned part of the base.”  
“And why didn't you search there, if you are so sure that they are there?”  
“W-well because…because err…”  
“Ah I see. You’re afraid. Soldiers are not afraid!”  
“Dude, I don't know if you haven't already noticed, but it's really scary there.”  
“And if Merasmus would live there with all his evil products! We both go there now and smoke the rats out!”  
Jane grabs the fake scout by the ear and pulls him along.  
“Aw crap!”  
Before they can leave the common room, suddenly the real Scout appears. When he sees the two, he freezes. He needs a moment to realize that he's facing himself.  
“Aw crap…”  
“What the…?! Ahhh! A doppelganger traitor!” Soldier throws Spy over to Scout and points his deadly rocket launcher at them.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Hunt you down! I don't know who of you is the real one, so I'll play it safe.”  
“You cannot do that!”  
“Yeah, man! If you kill me, you're a comrade murderer! Because I'm the real scout!”  
“No, I'm the real one! If you kill me, you will be dishonorably disbanded from the army!”  
Jane hesitates. Both have good arguments. Then there is only one thing to do.  
Without letting the two out of sight, Soldier walks over to Pyro's cage and unlocks it.  
“Get in there!”  
“What?”  
“I'm not going in there! Not to this…thing.”  
“In with you or I'll blow up both of you a rocket in the ass! Shit on the consequences!”  
The two scouts exchange views with each other. Only very slowly and hesitantly they approach the cage. Pyro looks like he cannot wait to get new roommates. Like a small child, he claps excitedly in his hands.  
“What are you doing here?” whispers Scout angrily.  
“Preventing you from doing nonsense.”  
“So you don’t trust me?”  
“Indeed, I don't do that at all.”  
“QUIET! Whispering will not be tolerated!”  
At the cage door the two hesitate. Impatiently, Soldier moves them up with a kick and immediately closes the cage.  
“What's that supposed to be?”  
Doe grabs a chair and pulls it over. He sits down on it, places the rocket launcher next to him on the ground and uses it as arm supported.  
“Now I will find out who of you is the real scout.”  
Again, the two scouts exchange views with each other.  
“And how do you want to do that?”  
“By asking you questions that only the real scout can answer.”  
“No problem!” the two answer synchronously. There's nothing Spy doesn't know about his teammates. Just disguising as them doesn't make him a professional spy. He must be them. He has to think like them, like and hate what they like and hate. In other words, physically as well as mentally, he must be the exact copy of the enemy.  
Spy is ready! However, the constant embrace tries of Pyro is a bit disturbing…

“First question…”  
The real Jeremy fidgets excitedly. Or maybe it's nervousness?  
“What's Scout's favorite drink?”  
“BONK!  
“Bonk…”  
“Bonk? What is that?”  
“Err…?”  
“………?”  
“The answer is wrong, maggots! The correct answer is milk.”  
“Milk? You've got to be kiddin’!”  
Spy pokes Scout in the ribs.  
“What's the big idea?”  
“Stop being upset and play his sick game.”  
“No whispering! Next question. What does Scout's mother look like?”  
“Beautiful.”  
“Hot.”  
Scout gives Spy a bitter look.  
“Oh really?” Soldier laughs perverted.  
“Wait a moment! You miserable pervert!”  
“………”  
“Okay, the third and last question. How old is Scout?”  
“I'm 23, knucklehead!”  
“Pfft! I would be with pleasure. But in reality I'm only 16.”  
“Positive!”  
Scout is extremely outraged. “Which side are you on?”  
“On my own. After all, I am a selfish brat.”  
“Although I have already finished my interrogation that is correct, too. Come out, soldier.”  
Jane opens the cage and lets Spy step out and immediately closes it behind him again. “I knew from the beginning that you were the real scout.”  
“ **You kiddin’ me?** ”  
“You can give up on your dilettante disguise now, Spy.”  
“I AM THE REAL SCOUT!”  
“If so, how is it possible that you have answered the questions about yourself incorrectly?”  
“I have answered correctly! You just think I'm wrong because you have no idea about me! You don't know anything about me!”  
“I hardly believe that, maggot! I know everything about my team! And you're a 16-year-old milk face. Or how do you explain that you are still so small at 23? When I was that age, I was already three heads taller than you.”  
Frustrated, Jeremy screams. Spy looks back and forth between Soldier and Scout. He would not have thought that this would happen. And he likes it. A real satisfaction.  
“Now that it's clear, we'll both hunt the traitors out of hiding.”  
“Wait… We both?”  
“Of course! Is there a problem?”  
“N-no! Of course not.”  
Actually, Spy had planned to go looking for Engineer. But now he has Soldier on his hands, so he has to change his plan. And he already has an idea.  
“Umm… I said that I suspect the traitors in the abandoned part of the base, right?”  
“Those were your words.”  
“Well, as far as I know, this place is locked. Do you have the key?”  
“Of course. That's my base after all!”  
_You would like that, wouldn't you?_

“I'll go get it. You wait here! And don't let yourself be conned, got it?” And with that, Soldier bustles off.  
Spy uses this time to talk to Jeremy (who looks pretty pissed off).  
“Scout…”  
“I'm not talking to you anymore” he replies defiantly, folds his arms and turning away.  
“Now don’t act like a defiant child!”  
“Why not? After all I'm still a child. Am I right, Scout?”  
“Oh please. Even the most childish 16-year-olds are more adult than you. Now get a grip. You know that Soldier is an idiot.”  
“Pah!”  
“Anyway. ‘ave you talked to Engineer?”  
“………”  
“Scout.”  
“………”  
Spy sighs beaten. This kid…  
“I’m back!”  
Soldier's dominant voice enters Spy's ears and goes through his entire body. This frightens the French so much that he almost betrays himself. How can it be that a guy who is always loud can sneak up like this?  
“Let’s go, soldier!”  
With one last look at Scout, Spy follows Soldier into the corridor.  
“Hudda…” Pyro carefully places a hand on Scout's shoulder, but he shakes it off.  
“Leave me alone, Pyro.”  
“Mmpfhh…”

  
Engineer lies relaxed on his sun bed at the main entrance of the base next to his sentry and drinks his beer. He has not heard anything from inside for a while. Apparently the others were able to successfully hide from Jane. And it's not easy to hide from Jane. If he is looking for something or someone, he is like a bloodhound.  
They're safe and Engineer doesn't have to worry about them. He can only hope that they stay in their hiding place and don't come across of one of his sentries. Solly had ordered him to changed them so they shoot at anyone who - well - is not American.  
Dell has to admit that he's worried a bit for Soldier. This year he goes a little too far. What if the others blame him so much that they assassinate him the next day?  
_Nah! We are a team. We hold together like a family. Each of us has his quirks and everyone understands. Tomorrow we will surely laugh about it._  
Engie closes his eyes. The even breathing of his beloved Sentry makes him slightly sleepy. And while he's dozing off slowly, Dell remembers that they had always celebrated 4th of July in Texas with a big fireworks display and an even bigger barbecue party. Best beef on best grill.  
Automatically his right hand puts itself on his stomach.  
A shadow settles over Engineer. But he doesn't bother because he believes only one cloud has moved in front of the sun.  
“I've heard that alcohol makes you fat and ugly.”  
_Oh shit…_  
Scout stands over him, holding one of Dell's beer bottles in his hand.  
“And energy drinks make you hyperactive and stupid.”  
“Pff!”  
“What do you want, boy? Didn't Soldier send you away?”  
“Sure. And as good as I am, I have already found the classics.”  
“For real? Where are they?”  
“They have entrenched themselves in the cellar.”  
“You will not tell Jane, will you?”  
“Hmmm… No. Spy promised me to borrow his cigarette case if I shut up.”  
“Doesn’t sound completely voluntary.”  
“Some offer they had to make.”  
“Boy, if you help someone, then you do not take anything from them.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because these are your teammates. They are like your family.”  
“If it were your family, it would be different.”  
“There we go.”  
“Yeah, yeah, anyway! At any rate, they begged me to talk to you. I was their only hope, you know?”  
“Don't beat around the bush, son!”  
“They plan to teach the hard helmet a lesson so that he will hold back a little more next July 4th. And they want our help. Are you in on it?”  
The word assassinates comes in Dell's mind.  
“What are they planning to do?”  
“No idea. But it will be interesting.”  
“Hmm… Okay, I'm in it. Are you telling them this? I have to stay here. When Solly realizes that I'm not in my place, there's trouble.”  
“Pffah! Today only one will get trouble. And that's not us. Besides, I just wanted to go to the common room. Let Pyro out of his cage.”  
“That's nice of you. The poor buddy. Kept like an animal in a cage.”  
“I think he feels comfortable in it. Just want to let him out to create chaos and confusion.”  
“………”  
Scout makes suddenly twitching movements and scratches his head and neck.  
“What's up with you, boy?”  
“Nothing! Just have the feeling that I have creepy-crawlies on my body.”  
“Creepy-crawlies?”  
“Yes, anyway! I'm gone.”  
He leaves.  
The others are in the basement. Not the nicest place, but maybe they are safe from Soldier. But now Dell has to decide what he should do. Does he go to them now and possibly risk Jane getting wind of it? If only he knew what exactly the others were planning.  
“Oh boy…”

  
Spy and Soldier are now standing in front of the locked steel door that leads to the abandoned part of their base. Why this part is left unused, they don't know. That's how it was already when they moved in here three years ago. Even the corridor that leads to this door seems slightly ghostly. What does it look like inside then? From the outside, the Mercs have no insight, because the windows are provided with boards and curtains.  
The question is how Soldier got the key.  
“Have you ever been in here?”  
“Of course not, maggot!”  
“Why not? I mean, it's exciting, isn't it?”  
“That's why Miss Pauling gave me the key. Because I'm the only one with discipline and responsibility. Closed doors are not funny, after all.”  
“Okay…?”  
_Sometimes you are even a bigger joker than Scout. But things like locked doors are probably a limit to you. We should take advantage of that in our favor._

Doe unlocks the heavy door and pushes it open. Immediately an ice-cold wind and the slight smell of mold blows against them. Spy turns his head away in disgust.  
“Disgusting.”  
“Don't whine! In you go!”  
Soldier pushes the wrong scout through the door. The cold immediately takes possession of him and makes him shiver. But he has to admit that something else triggers the shaking. They are standing in a corridor. On the right the gray, unfriendly, cold wall and on the left the row of windows. It's the old boards that nailed to the windows that mouldered. The gray curtains, which probably used to be white are torn and blow ghostly back and forth. The light that shines in between the boards from outside is deprived of its brightness by the curtains.  
Spy has to swallow a bit. Scout should be grateful that he isn't in his stead.  
Soldier just marches headlong. He sighs and follows him. This is the perfect place to get rid of him. But for that they have to go deeper. Lucky Soldier doesn't distrust Spy's lie. After all, he had finally claimed that they had fled in here, even though the door was locked.  
Suddenly Soldier stops abruptly. “Just a minute…”  
_Oh-oh!_  
“The door was locked. How did they get in here?” The patriot turns to Spy.  
“Eerrr… M-maybe they had a spare key?”  
“Impossible! I have the only key!”  
“W-w-well t-then umm...”  
Soldier looks piercingly at him (through his helmet).  
_Merde…_  
Spy gets ready to run away when Soldier suddenly starts to laugh.  
“Hahaha! Presumably, this French Spy has turned into the key and opened the door for them. He was the only one left behind to fool me! To give the other time. But I don't let anyone fool me!”  
_…artard._

The two reach the first room. There are no windows in there, absolute darkness.  
But the Spy doesn’t really care. He wants Soldier's key.  
“Light the way for me!”  
“I…what? I have no light.”  
Soldier reaches into his pocket and brings out a small flashlight, which he hands over to Spy.  
“That's why I'm the leader and you my battalion.”  
“I think we should end this ridiculous war.”  
Soldier slowly turns to Spy and looks threateningly down at him. “What was that?”  
“I mean, we could search them here for hours without ever finding them. And they are not our real enemies either. You just get weird ideas because today is your favorite day.”  
“Are you telling me that July 4th is not a day of honor in your eyes?”  
“What? No!”  
“Did you switch to the side of the enemies?”  
“That's not how I meant it!”  
Soldier steps close to Scout, who in turn dodges backwards until he has a wall in his back. Jane bends down to him, their noses almost touching.  
“I would advise you not to betray me.”  
Spy has to get this psychotic patriot off his back before he blows his cover!  
“Now listen to me! You may be the leader!” _At least that's what you think._ “But you should not forget that we are your troop! And what is a leader without his men? Nothing! Therefore, you should finally start to respect us more and insult less! And while we're at it - stop constantly screaming!”  
“But I have to scream and insult you! Otherwise you snails will not get off the stick! And as always you are the best example! Or why I still have no light, eh?”  
Soldier grabs Scout and shoves him into the room in front of him. Muttering something to himself, Spy turns on the flashlight. The room is quite big. Or is that because of the yawning emptiness that reigns here?  
Presumably this was or should be something like a common room.  
“Why is this part here actually abandoned?”  
“That’s Top Secret!”  
“In other words, you have no idea either.”  
***smack***  
The hit with the whip on Spy's butt causes the dead air to shake. With his mouth wide open, he turns to face Soldier, a hand on his butt, his face covered in surprise, disbelief, and pain, thinking of making a cry of pain or not.  
“I hate backtalk! Now stop looking like Engie’s Truck and move! I finally want to get these maggots and teach them the lesson of their lives.”  
_We'll see who will get learned his lesson…_

A doorless passage leads the two into another room border to three others. Spy didn't think the darkness could get any darker. It looks like it could swallow the light from the flashlight.  
“Great. And which way do we take now?”  
“Light once in every room.”  
Spy obeys. But he doesn’t step too close to the dark rooms. After checking all three, he returns to Soldier.  
“Report, private!”  
“Well, the left and right passages lead to a dead end. And the middle one to another eerie corridor.”  
“Then forward march!”  
“Uummm…”  
“What is it?”  
“W-well, how about I stay here? I mean, just in case they get past me. So I can trap them, y'know?”  
“Without flashlight?”  
“Er…”  
“You’re coming with me!”  
“But it's so scary!”  
“You are a shame for the army! I'll give you beans when I'm done with these traitors!”  
Soldier rips the flashlight out of Scout's hand. “You stay behind me!”  
“Aren’t you...afraid of ghosts?”  
“Me? Afraid of ghosts? Pah! I have already fought against ghosts you were a mere twinkle in your father's eye!”  
_I don’t think so, my dear Jane._

Soldier goes straight to it. This whole team consists only of weaklings and yellowbellies. He's the only one who can bring this bunch to heel. They simply lack discipline.  
Once fighting in the war, they would finally turn into a man! The fight against the BLUs doesn't count.  
These are all just washcloths, too. It's time for Soldier to dust off his top-secret training plan.  
Doe reaches a staircase that leads up one floor. After a few steps, he notices that Scout has not said anything for a while. Actually, nothing bad, because the enemies cannot be forewarned. Nevertheless, it's quite untypical.  
“What's wrong with you, Maggot? Are you so afraid that it makes you speechless?”  
No reaction.  
“Scout?”  
Silence.  
Doe turns to the boy, but he’s nowhere to be seen.  
_What? Lost?_  
One of his men is missing and the enemy is lurking nearby. What to do?  
Retreat! Of course Soldier could also act as a one-man army. Together with his rocket launcher, he is a dangerous man. But what is a commander without his men? And for no other reason he will backtrack now.  
Too hasty, he begins with the descent, treads wrong and crashes down the last steps. With a heavy groan he hits the cold ground, losing the flashlight. It slips a few feet off the ground, away from him.  
“Ow…” He automatically touches his head. Thank god he had his helmet on. In addition to the weapon, the helmet is the best friend of a soldier.  
Still lying on the floor, Jane looks around for his only source of light. It seems so far away.  
If Soldier is honest, he feels a little uncomfortable without the flashlight. He feels for his rocket launcher and wants to get up, but something stops him. Doe listens into the darkness.  
Silence. He thought he had heard something. What exactly he cannot say. But no matter what it was. This was certainly the responsibility of the enemies of America, who are hiding in this abandoned part of the base. Is he being hunted now? They think just because he's alone now he's attackable.  
“You will never get me alive…”  
Hastily he stumbles over to the flashlight. Keeping it in his hand gives Jane a little peace of mind.

 _Soldier_  
“Gasp!”  
One voice! There was a voice calling his name! A scary, whispering, transparent voice. Soldier cannot possibly determine which direction it came from.  
“Who's there? Show yourself!”  
_Soldier_  
Jane whirls around in panic. The voice was right behind him but nobody is to be seen.  
“Are you a ghost? I'm not afraid of ghosts! Before you even died, I've already fought ghosts!”  
_Soldier_  
_Soldier_  
_Soldier_  
_Soldier_  
Now the voice is everywhere. Or are there several?  
Soldier turns around his own axis.  
“I know exactly what you are up to! You want to confuse me! But that will not work!”  
During the turn, he discovers a figure in the light of his flashlight. Without thinking, he drops it, heaves the rocket launcher on his shoulder and fires all of his four rockets in the direction he thought he saw the figure. The explosions make the building shake - and then it's quiet. No more voices.  
After a short period of immobility, Soldier drops his rocket launcher. “Hmph! Don't mess with me.”  
He picks up the flashlight. Soldier feels like being invincible! However, his flashlight doesn't seem to feel that way, too. It's light begins to flicker.  
“Oh no…”  
A few final attempts to give light to its owner, and then the flashlight gives up its spirit and wraps Jane in absolute darkness.  
_Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier_  
The voices are back. And louder this time than before.  
“No… No!” Jane retreats until he feels a wall in the back and slides down on it. Both hands are pressed to the ears. “Leave me alone!”  
_Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier Soldier!!!_

  
After a painful odyssey back to the busy part of the base, Spy shoves the heavy steel door shut and locks it with the key he had stolen from Soldier. Thanks to his watch he could go unnoticed. Was not easy without light. He had to feels his way in the dark slowly and still got bumps and bruises.  
“Finally out there.”  
As Aiméric turns around to finally get the others out of the cellar, Dell suddenly stands in front of him.  
“Aaarhhgg! God dammit! Engineer! Was this necessary?”  
“I'm sorry, pardner. I saw that the door was open. Isn't it always locked?”  
“Yes, but I ‘ad to get Soldier in there.”  
“And he is still in there?”  
“I ‘ad to do it. I couldn't get rid of ‘im otherwise. Don't worry, ‘e's fine. Do me a favor and bring the others here. They are in the basement.”  
“Roger that. Scout has already taught me about it. I'll hurry up.”  
Dell's going. Meanwhile, Spy will get some flashlights. In search of it, he comes past the common room. He takes a quick look inside, just to see what Scout is doing.  
“What are you doing, imbecile?”  
The scout had tried to squeeze through the bars, but got stuck halfway.  
“What do you care” Scout countered, paying no attention to Spy. You can clearly see that he’s embarrassed by his complicated situation.  
Aiméric shrugs. “You're right. This is none of my business. I have something to do anyway. Pyro takes care of you. Don't you, Pyro?”  
“Hudda!” Caring, the pyromaniac puts a hand on Scout's head.  
“Aww. Isn’t that cute?”  
“Don’t touch me, you psychotic fire devil!”  
“Now, now. If I were you, I would be kind to your roommate.”  
“It's all your fault! Because you've distrusted me! If you had just stayed in the basemanet and let me do it, it wouldn't have happened.”  
“Calm down. You're just in a cage. When we're done with Soldier, we'll let you out.”  
“Why not now?”  
“Because Soldier ‘as the key.”  
“And where is the hard helmet? Did you backstabbed him? You can do that so well.”  
“…I'll go then. You don’t want to talk to me anyway. Au revoir ~”  
And Spy's gone.  
“Hey? Hey! Come back and get me out of here! Spy! Spyyyyyy!!”  
“Hudda!”  
“Leave me alone already!”

  
Dell reaches the basement. There he finds the others sitting in a circle. They give the impression of survivors of a nuclear attack.  
“Howdy, Pardners!”  
“Engie?!” Engineer is pleased that they are happy to see him. It's about time that they finally come out of the basement. He doesn't feel comfortable when his friends and colleagues have to hide in their own base just because Soldier has one of his phases.  
“What are you doing here? Did Scout finally find you? It took a long time.”  
“No, the boy was with me some time ago…”  
“And why didn’t you come right away?”  
“I could not leave my post. Soldier would have calls me down otherwise.”  
“And why are you here now?”  
“Spy gave me the green light. He said I should come get you. What do you have for a plan?”  
“We will make it clear to Soldier that America is not a super-land and it is stuck without other countries. Just like Soldier without us. Hmph!” Tavish speaks with a stern tone in his voice. When he's not drunk, he's one of the more austere and sober types. “But it's not personal, Dell.”  
“Hey, don't worry about me. I don't take that personally. I can understand you. Well then come. I'll take you to Spy.”  
“What would we do without you, Engie?”  
“Yes! You are the good soul of this team.”  
“You make me embarrassed, boys.”  
Engineer leads the four up the basement stairs and down the corridor towards the abandoned building. They pass one of the base entrances, where there is still one of Engineer's Sentries. Active and ready to shoot at anyone who is not American.  
Unfortunately, it comes too late into Dell's mind. Panicky, he whirls around to the others.  
“Stop! Don’t go any further!”  
**Beep beep!**  
The sentry fireworks illuminate the entire area. Usually a beautiful sight for Engineer. But this time he is plagued by gruesome guilt. He can do nothing but watch his beauty shoot down Medic, Demoman, Sniper, and Heavy. Their screams are completely destroyed by the shots. And finally, the Sentry shoots her four rockets, which fly with a graceful turn through the air and collide with the dying.  
Then it becomes quiet.  
Perforated, the Mercs lie motionless in front of Dell on the floor. Blood everywhere. Some parts of the body were separated by the explosion and flung away for several meters.  
His Sentry has made a good job.  
That will cause trouble.  
He will now quickly convert his Sentry and then wait at the Respawn for the others. He's hoping they are not too angry. How could they, where they had previously described him as a good soul of the team? They will surely understand him.

  
Spy waits impatiently at the steel door to the abandoned part of the base. He could find some flashlights in the storeroom. Now he is standing here waiting for Engineer to finally come with the others. He had sent him off a long time ago. What stops him?

Steps. Then finally the others can be seen. Spy rolls his eyes annoyed.  
“Well, finally. Where were… What’s wrong with you?”  
As they get closer, Spy recognizes the miffed expression on their faces. Engie, on the other hand, trots after the others, keeps his head down.  
“I'm sorry we kept you waiting, but a so-called Dell let us run into his Sentry and we had to make a trip through the spawn.”  
“Oh… I see. Don’t blame ‘im.”  
“Whom else then, huh?” Tavish's admonishing gaze wanders from Engie to Spy. “Maybe we should blame you. You should have sapping that thing, after all.”  
“Hey, hey, hey. Mutual blame doesn't help us. And basically, we all know who's to blame for all this trouble, right?”  
“Yes, where is Soldier actually?”  
“Behind this door.” Spy knocks on the steel door.  
“Wait a moment…” Medic looks around more closely. “That's the abandoned part of this base. And he is in there? All alone? And if I look at the flashlights like that, I assume that there is no light in there. I think we should hurry.”  
“Why?”  
“The human mind is quite complex. Especially the one from Jane. If you spend too much time in dark places, all by yourself, you can hear noises and see images that are not there at all.”  
“Wouldn't it be an advantage if he loses his mind?”  
All eyes are on Sniper. “Just saying. At least until after Halloween. Then Doc can fix him.”  
“Don’t worry. ‘e ‘as a flashlight.”  
“So... if there is no light in there, I can take care of it. Just a second.” And with these words Engineer's gone.  
“Does that mean I got the flashlights in vain?”  
Spy puts them down on the floor and unlocks the steel door. Soldier is not to be seen. He must be still deep inside. It's really strange that he didn't come back here. Did he get lost? But even Spy has found his way back. And that without a flashlight. Did something happen to him? If Aiméric is honest, he worries a bit about Soldier.

A moment later, the ceiling lamps begin to flicker and the ghostly corridor in front of them is flooded with bright light.  
“What the…? The electricity is still intact ‘ere?”  
Dell returns to the group, proud of himself.  
“Of course. I keep it in good condition permanently since we moved here. Arrangement from above. Just in case, I guess.”  
“But why are the whole windows nailed up?”  
“Don’t know. I should just take care of the electricity.”  
“That means… this key is yours?” Spy holds out the thick key to Engineer.  
“Yes, that's mine. I wondered how you and Solly came in there. Where did you get that from?”  
“From Soldier. ‘e said it belongs to ‘im. That the administrator entrusted this key to him because ‘e is the only you can trust. Pah! That should ‘ave make me wonder.”  
Engie shakes his head beaten. “Just get Solly out of there so that we can finally finish this nonsense.”  
With a nod, Spy, Medic, Heavy, Demo and Sniper enter the abandoned part that does not seem so abandoned now.

“Hey… Where is Scout?”  
“’e sits in the cage with Pyro.”  
“Oh… I'll check on them.” Engie is straight away on his way to the common room.  
Meanwhile, the others are looking for Soldier.  
“With light the rooms now seem even bigger. I wonder what Engineer should maintain the electricity in this abandoned part of the base. ‘e could have taken care of the furnishings, too.”  
“Maybe as a retreat, if something should happen to the main base?”  
“Well then the furnishing is even more important. At least it should ‘ave a fireplace room and a wine cellar.”  
“SOLDIER!”  
The others flinch. Tavish's voice echoes from the walls.  
“What are you doing?”  
“I call for him, lad. Who knows how far he is inside. By calling him we could find him faster.”  
“Where did you leave him behind, Spy?”  
“’ard to tell... With light everything looks very different. But I think we'll be there soon.”  
Suddenly, Medic stops abruptly. Heavy turns to him.  
“What’s the matter, Doktor?”  
“Don't you hear that?” Now everyone stops and listens to the silence.  
A soft whimpering is to hear. Demo's legs start to shiver.  
“G-ghosts?”  
“Don’t be silly, mate. There are no ghosts.”  
“Of course, lad!”  
“Of course not, mate!”  
“Lad!”  
“Mate!”  
“Lad!”  
“Mate!”  
“What about Merasmus?”  
“Merasmus is a wizard.”  
“An undead wizard!”  
“A zombie is still not a ghost!”  
“Are you two coming?”  
The others were keep moving and almost around the corner. The two stragglers catch them up. All alone it is quite scary despite the light.

“Oh dear…”  
The group reaches a kind of staircase. There, on a wall, Soldier sits huddled on the floor. The legs are tucked up to the body, both hands pressed against the helmet (seemingly a gesture to cover his ears) and head bowed to the ground. He mumbles anxiously something to himself. Next to him lies his rocket launcher.  
“Woah!” Tavish discovers the perforated and blackened wall. “Did he shoot at it?”  
Spy feels a bit guilty about leaving Soldier alone. However, he had his flashlight. He could have found his way back. Aiméric notices the flashlight on the ground next to Soldier. He picks it up and presses the switch. When nothing happens, he tries again, but nothing. It must have broken. So he sat in complete darkness all the time.  
“That cannot be true…”  
Medic kneels down to Solly.  
“Soldier?”  
“They want to get me but they will not get me they want to get me but they will not get me.”  
“Soldier!”  
“They want to get me but they will not get me they want to get me but they will not get me.”  
Medic reaches into his pocket and takes an injection from there.  
“Why are you carrying syringes with you, Doc?”  
“My dear Sniper, what kind of doctor would I be if I didn't do that? I always have to be prepared for everything.”  
“And what exactly is it?”  
“A sedative. Or as I like to call it, a panacea. It not only soothes but also relieves pain and restores mental stability. And that's what Jane needs more than anything right now.”  
Sniper nods his head but actually he has no idea what Medic means.  
He's about to sets the syringe on his neck.  
“Into the neck? For real?”  
“Medic rolls his eyes annoyed. “Who is the doctor here?”  
“I’m sorry, Docteur.”  
“Be careful!”  
“Don't worry. Soldier is quite insensitive to spraying. He will not notice anything in this condition.”  
Even as he speaks, the needle penetrates the skin and against all expectations Soldier suddenly jumps up, hits Medic with his fist in the face, grabs the syringe, pulls it out of his neck and throws it away. It ends up in Demo's leg and the white fluid content is pumped into his veins, the effect of which begins immediately.  
“Uaarg… aaarrg….”  
The seasoned Scot falls backwards to the ground, lies there with outstretched limbs and stares apathetically at the ceiling.  
“Wooooooaaahhhh….”  
“Tavish! Mate!”  
While Spy takes care of Medic and Sniper to Demoman, Heavy grabs the raging Soldier and shakes him vigorously.  
“What’s the matter with you?”  
When that doesn't help, Heavy raises his right hand and gives Jane such a strong slap in the face that the helmet flies off his head. With big eyes, the soldier stares up at the Russian.  
“C-commie…?”  
“Name is Heavy or Misha. Remember that at last! We have a serious word to talk about!”  
“Ssshh! Don’t you hear that?” Soldier's eyes move excitedly back and forth.  
“What?”  
“Ghosts…”  
“There are no ghosts.”  
“They are here!”  
Soldier starts raving again. Panicked, he tries to get out of Heavy's grip.  
“Calm down!”  
Again Misha gives him a slap. This time even stronger. So strong that Jane slumps lifeless in his big hands.  
“Well, you did a great job, fatman. Is he dead?”  
Medic regains his legs slowly. He holds a handkerchief under his nose to stop the bleeding.  
“Are you okay, Docteur?”  
“Yes, thank you. Let me see.” Ludwig lays two fingers on Soldier's neck to feel his pulse. “Oh, he's just unconscious.”  
“Good, then we can finally-“  
“However…” interrupts Medic Spy and looks at Soldier deliberating. “However, it might not be a bad idea to kill him.”  
“WHAT?!” All horrified glances are directed at Ludwig.  
“It's very easy. His mind is completely fogged. The syringe was his only chance. And it was wasted.” Medic looks down on Demo. “When he wakes up, he will still be trapped in his psychosis.”  
“Well then just give him a new syringe!”  
“Pah! Am I your syringe clown? We kill him now, go back and on the way we pick him up at Respawn.”  
Everyone keeps quiet.  
“If you please, Heavy.”  
The good-natured Russian hesitates, but then grips Soldier's throat and puts his other hand on his head to break his neck. But again he hesitates and turns to the doctor for help.  
His mouth twitches and Medic starts to laugh loudly.  
“Pffahahahaha! That was a joke. Just kidding. When he wakes up again, he will be the old self again. And even if I had to get another syringe ready, you know how much I like doing that.”  
“It's said that Germans ‘ave no sense of ‘umor. But they ‘ave. And it's cruel…”  
“Doctor scared Heavy.”  
“I’m very sorry, Heavy. I hope you don’t mind carrying Soldier and Demoman?”  
Suddenly Tavish starts to babbling.  
“There is no god. Only the infinite universe. Equipped with the knowledge of the past and our and every life is nothing more than a tiny speck dust grain. 90 human years are just a moment in the cosmos. What is the meaning of life? The concatenation of generations to maintain the illusion of a meaning of life.”  
For a long time the Mercs are silently watching Demoman. Then their eyes wander to Medic.  
“Well, I didn't wrongly call my medicine a panacea. Apparently, it even affects consciousness-expanding. Fascinating. I have to examine this more closely.”  
“Does that mean this medicine has never been tested before?”  
“But it is. Just now.”  
“Docteur…”

  
When Soldier wakes up after a violent ride through nightmarish climes of his sleeping mind, he is bathed in sweat. Without having to sit up or look around, he knows he is lying on the bed in his veteran room (actually just his bedroom). He immediately recognizes this by the proud American flag on the ceiling above him. He had hung it up there to be reminded every morning when he wakes to feel blessed to be an American and to serve his country.  
But there is something else. Faces. He can recognize them. Engie, Heavy, Spy…  
They look worried.  
“Mutiny…”  
“Really, Soldier? That's the first thing that comes to your mind when you wake up?”  
“I told you that he will be the old self again.”  
Jane turns his head to the side and discovers Medic in a chair next to his bed. He opens his mouth, but with a wave of his hand, Medic silences him.  
“Before you insult me again as a Nazi, I have to tell you that you are under arrest. At least until you've listened to what we have to say.”  
Now the soldier raises his head and discovers the rest of the team. Immediately he lets his head drop back to the pillow.  
“Get it over with.”  
“Do you remember what happened?”  
“I was betrayed by my own men, was lured into a trap and exposed to a mental ordeal.”  
“Not really.”  
“Are you saying that I just imagined it all?”  
“No, I mean, you brought it all on yourself.”  
“What do you want to say?”  
Now Demoman approach Soldier and bends threatening down. "We mean, if you treat us so disrespectfully once again, you will fare even worse!”  
“Demo…”  
“You are not Miss America! You are not Captain America! You are NOT America! You're just a normal American, with a bit too much patriotism, which, I suppose, came about through brain damage! Because normal isn't it anymore!”  
“Tavish, leave that to me, please.”  
Medic’s calm voice lets Demoman calm down a bit. With a last snort, he turns away.  
“You know, you did something wrong?”  
“…no?”  
“No, huh? You forced us to act like Americans. You dressed us in costumes and wanted to hunt us down when we refused. Do you do that with your team?”  
“Don't make such a fuss! It's just once a year after all.”  
“Why, you…!” Demoman wants to rush upon Soldier but Sniper and Engineer can stop him.  
“To clarify this once and for all, we are here now. We need you-“  
“Of course!”  
Medic breathes in and out calm before continuing. “-and you need us. That is essential. The same applies to America. What would America be without the other countries?”  
“………”  
“Everyone in this room comes from another country. Countries that are important to America or historically related to it. Let's just start with France. Spy, may I ask?”  
Spy's expression suggests that the Frenchman would loves to do it.  
“Well, my dear Soldier. You are a true American, are you?”  
“You bet your Frenchie ass!”  
“…good. Then the Statue of Liberty means something to you, right? Or as it’s called in my language _La Liberté éclairant le monde._ ”  
“Which American doesn't like it? If you omit the baguette language.”  
“Hmph! So if you like it so much then you surely know its origin, hm?”  
“New York.”  
“No, you imbecile! The Statue of Liberty was a gift from France to America! And if you ‘ave also a lack of knowledge- it represents the Roman goddess Libertas, who stands for freedom! In ‘onor of America's independence - Fourth of July.”  
Soldier's jaw dropped.  
“I belong to the people who ‘ave made this wonderful gift to your people and you treat me like a foot soldier! Hmph!”  
“Oh er… Well… Thank you…”  
Aiméric takes a strong draft from his cigarette, and then answers calmly: “You're welcome. I could name a thousand other examples, but I think this was the most meaningful.”

“Okay, let's continue with Australia.” With a glance, Medic turns the floor over to Mundy. But he hesitates.  
“Oh er… I-I I'm not sure what Australia has ever done for America. I grew up on a small island. I later traveled because of my job but I was not really interested in that.”  
“Why didn’t you at least come up with something?” whispers Demo to him. But Mundy just shrugs helplessly. "I-I think there was once a mutual military agreement between the US, Australia and New Zealand.”  
“Okay, I think that's enough. Let's move on to Tavish.”  
Sniper's depressed. Dell pats his shoulder encouragingly.  
Tavish puts both hands in the sides. “America is fortunate about the thousands of Scottish immigrants.”  
Soldier leans his head. “Why?”  
“Because we have a rich culture that extends America's consciousness.”  
“For example?”  
“Our music, our pubs, our food, our martial heritage.”  
“I cannot stand the noise of your checkered backpack.”  
“That's a bagpipe!”  
“Scottish alcohol is too strong.”  
“You Americans just have a sensitive stomach.”  
“You eat disgusting stuff like steamed goat's mites called Hargat.”  
“Haggis! And it's stuffed sheep's stomachs.”  
“Martial heritage? This can only mean your skirts. Which men wear skirts? Under those you Scots are even naked. Well, that's probably the only thing that's not too bad…”  
“These are not skirts, but kilts! And the nakedness underneath means freedom.”  
“All this is little consciousness-expanding.”  
“That's just because you don’t appreciate it, and seemingly have no idea about Scotland. But someday you will.”  
“Don’t you still have to fight Nessie?”  
“I did! Long time ago… I miss the old times… *sniff*”  
“Great… Now we have two depressed gramps” Scout sighs.  
“Don’t get distracted. Heavy has something to tell you now.” The Russian rises from his place and like a sequoia he stands in the room, which makes it look quite small.  
“Heavy says only one thing – Russian-America.”  
“Wat!?” Now Soldier sits up in bed. He's curious to know how one got this name. “A Russian America? Impossible!”  
“No! Russian-America. That's one name. In 1867, the Russian Empire sold Alaska to America.”  
“That's rubbish! Alaska has always been part of America! And what does the nurse want to tell me then? Cuckoo clocks are from Germany?”  
Medic rolls his eyes annoyed.  
“At that time, Russia and America were friends.”  
“It just keeps getting better! That's probably wishful thinking.”  
Heavy ignores him. “Thanks to Russia, America has the largest exclave in the world.”  
“Hmph! Even if it's true, why did you call that example? Do you think, just because we have a family name, should I feel connected to Russia?”  
“This was a friendly gesture that still connects America with Russia today and vice versa. That's worth a lot. Especially in times like these. The cold war is at its peak. And no matter who wins. Heavy hopes that Americans and Russians will remember this gesture, not to forget that their countries can be friends and not always enemies.”  
It’s quiet in the room.  
“Wow, buddy. That was beautiful.” Engineer pats Heavy on the back amicably (actually he wanted to pat his shoulder, but the size difference...).  
Heavy sits back on the chair, a sign that he's done.  
“I hope you think about it, Soldier.”  
“Yeah, whatever… And what do you have to tell me? What has Germany ever done for America?”  
“Something very, very important. We are why July 4th became Independence Day.”  
“!!!”  
“Well, it was not Germany directly, but Prussia.”  
“Prussia? What's that? A country?”  
“It was, yes. A strong, battle-gifted, big country.”  
“I think I heard about that at school... But it doesn’t exist anymore, does it?”  
“That's right, Jeremy. Shortly before World War II, the largest part of Prussia became part of Germany. A fusion, so to speak. The rest was taken after the war by Russia and renamed.”  
“How about you finally come to the interesting part of the story!”  
“But Mon Chér. Such a story ‘as to be told in detail.”  
“That’s alright, Spy. At that time, when America was still ruled by England, the Americans sought help from the Prussian people. They knew about their fighting strength and their keen sense of tactics. The Americans wanted to learn from them, fine-tune their combat experiences and learn a lot about tactical strategy. And Prussia helped America. It made them strong for the upcoming fight against England and for the freedom and independence of America. And they won.”  
“So you really think that we, the world power, won only because we had help from Europeans?”  
“Exactly. Well, maybe the Americans could have done it without help. But they have asked Prussia for help, so no one can say for sure.”  
“Hmm… Okay. God bless Prussia! But what exactly does this have to do with Germany?”  
“Prussian blood flows in our veins. Earlier, I mentioned that Prussia and Germany are merged. In part... Now that Prussia is no longer, we stand for everything that Prussia has done.”  
Again Soldier keeps silent. "Kraut-Baguette convinced me most of all.”  
“Entschuldige?”  
“Pardon?”  
“Exactly!”  
Medic and Spy are looking at each other.  
“And what is now? Will you leave us alone next year and the years after that?”  
Jane hesitates.  
“Remember, Soldier. Such situations can be avoided by adhering to the most basic principles of human togetherness: decency, fairness, and respect. We are not Americans, but we live here. And we respect you Americans. And also your holidays. And your, sometimes, unbearable nonsense... And we also know that this is especially important to you. So also respect us, if we don't always speak English or do things characteristic for our country. Then we get along perfectly and something like today doesn't have to happen again. Agreed?”  
“Well, I guess it would be pretty boring if we were all Americans…”  
“You've got it, lad! Let's drink to that.”  
Tavish bursts out of the room, beaming with joy.  
Soldier puts on his faithful grin. “Oh! Where is Pyro?”  
“Still in his cage” answers Dell. “I thought it’s the best to leave him in there when I got the boy out of there. He almost crushed Scout to death.”  
“Yeah man! Don't know what's going on with this guy. He squeezed me as if I were a teddy bear.”  
“I think that Pyro is very sensitive and feels changes in the air immediately. And Scout, you were very upset. I think ‘e just wanted to comfort you.”  
“Shut up, Spy!”

Jane jumps out of bed in a good mood. “Booya! I'm hungry.”  
“That doesn't surprise me. You slept most of the day. It's getting dark outside.”  
“What? July 4th is almost over? Tomorrow we have to go back to the battlefield! No eat and no alcohol! Now it's off to the training ground! Go, go, go!”  
Soldier brings out his whip and pushes the other out of his room and through the corridor.  
“I thought I took his whip from him?” Dell wonders.  
“You did. I don't want to know where he got it from. Suddenly it was there!”  
“Shall we not correct him, Doktor?”  
“Not necessary. This is not Patriot-Soldier, but our caring Soldier who only wants the best for us.”  
“Hey, what about Halloween? We still have to talk about it!”  
Doe gives Mundy a big slap on the butt. “Shut up hippie and move!”  
While Jane droves his troops around like a cattle herd, they pass the storeroom where Demoman is just coming out, with a bottle of cider in hand. When he sees what's going on, he sets the reverse gear, but Soldier doesn't miss that.  
“You’re coming, too!”

  
October 31st – Halloween

Mundy lies on the roof of his van, his hands clasped behind his head and looks up at the sky. He has been in this position since nightfall. Waiting until this hideous day is finally over. The days before Halloween he had closely watched Soldier. He likes Halloween and he likes his Halloween costume. Because he wears it every year. A box with an antenna on its head, feet in shoeboxes, pretending to be a robot.  
Ridiculous! But the most ridiculous thing is that he considers him to be Merasmus on Halloween! Then he always knocks on his van to lure him out. Once he had even smashed a window of his! And this year will hardly change. Therefore, Sniper has taken precaution to move his van to another location. Here he should be safe from Soldier's rampage.  
On July 4, they gave Soldier a piece of his mind. Why not because of Halloween? But no, on this day does not have to suffer the whole team, but only the stupid, old Mundy! So who cares?  
“Hmpf! Wankers…”  
But if Sniper thinks about it, it's okay. Here it's quiet and peaceful.  
Besides, it's only once a year and Mundy can always change the locations. And it's a great change not always to stand in front of the base with his van. In lonely places like this he can even do some shooting practice (which he actually doesn't need!).  
So all in all not so bad that Soldier has in it for Mundy. Not that he needed an annoying Jane to go out with the van, but without him he's a bit unmotivated. He prefers to lie somewhere, his hat drawn deep in his face and dozing.

“Beep beep boop.”  
Mundy gasps. That cannot be…  
He listens more closely. Everything is so quiet. Was that already before? This silence literally kills him.  
Did he maybe just imagine that? He must have imagined it. Soldier cannot possibly know he's here. And how was he supposed to have come here? It's ten kilometers from the base.  
Mundy looks in all directions. Except for a few rocks, the area is quite assessable. However, he cannot see too far through the darkness.  
So it was imagination…  
Relieved, Mundy lies back and tries to continue where he was interrupted by his imagination. This time he pulls his hat in the face.  
“I need vacation.”

“Beep beep boop! I am a robot, maggot!”  
“………!”As if stung by an adder, Sniper jumps up, flees into his van and barricades himself there. He pulls the windows curtains shut. His heart beats painfully in his chest like a steam-hammer.  
“That cannot be... That just can not be...!”  
“Bleep, bloop. I am a robot. What is love?”  
The voice is much closer. And it clearly sounds like Soldier. Carefully, Mundy pushes aside one of the curtains and takes a gander but in the dark he can barely see anything.  
“Robot noises.”  
Suddenly the entire van starts to wiggle. Surprised, Sniper lurches back and forth. He falls into something and shortly thereafter it clashes.  
“Damn, Soldier! That was my coffee cup!”  
“I am a robot from the future. I was built to scare you.”  
“Stop shacking my van!”  
And indeed, Sniper's words are effective. Soldier stops and everything becomes quiet. But Mundy knows Jane is still there sneaking around his vehicle like a predator. He should go out and give him a kick in the ass, but Soldier is physically superior to him. So he has no choice but to stay here until the spook is finally over.  
“Come with me, if you want to live. With me. In my apartment. I need a roommate. The household is not done by itself. Beep.”  
“Piss off, you psycho!”  
“Meraaaasmuuuuuss! I will find you. That's what I do. That's all I do.”  
“I’m not Merasmus!”  
“Beep beep! The robot's natural enemy are hippies!”  
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever…”  
“MERAAAAAAAAASMUUUUUUUS!!!”

“ **DAMN, SOLDIER!** ”  
Suddenly, a threatening voice thunders through the valley and shakes the earth. The sky turns green. So intense that it even shines through the thick curtains.  
Soldier screams. Mundy glances carefully out of the window. The wizard hovers over Soldier, who keeps slightly bent in defensive posture - in his stupid costume.  
“ **Stop calling my name constantly! What do you think? And what makes you think that this ridiculous wretch in there is me? I'm not able to stand this anymore! And certainly I will not share an apartment with you EVER again!** ”  
“You were a bad roommate anyway. You were the next to take out the trash!”  
“ **I ALWAYS took out the trash! I was ALWAYS the one who made and did while you never lifted a finger! Unless, of course, you brought me trouble. For that you always had passion, time and energy!** ”  
“After all this time you're still angry about that? Bombinomicon didn't made such a fuss!”  
As soon as the name is pronounced, the demon book appears.  
“Did someone call me? Oh, Soldier! How are you?”  
“Hey, bomb! Do you remember the sour cream in the toilet?”  
“Yes! Hahaha! Merasmus sat down on it and had a very white ass afterwards!”  
“Hahahahah!”  
“Hharharhaha!”  
Mundy swallows when he notices Merasmus reaction. He will explode at any moment!  
“ **Enough!** ”  
BOOM! A mighty bang resounds and a moment later Snipers Van is hit by a poison green blast. The windows burst and the broken pieces tear the curtains as they spread throughout the van. The car horn goes uninterrupted, and yet Soldier's panic screams drown it out.  
That's going to be too hot for Sniper. No matter what happens to Jane, he will definitely disappear here. So he sneaks out of his van and jumps into the driver's cab. Even here the windows are broken and he has to sit on shards of glass. But he doesn't care. Just cut and run!! So puts the hammer down and drives away. After at least one kilometer, the crazy car horn gives up its ghost and there are still screams from Soldier to hear.  
Sniper stops the car, looks out of the window at the place where he fled. Neither Merasmus nor Soldier are more to see, but something different. Another explosion can be heard, from which a kilometer-high green atomic cloud emerges, which illuminates the night sky brightly. Even from this distance, Mundy can smell the sulfur.  
“Happy Halloween, ya rocket-hoppin' simpleton!” And with that, Sniper drives away.

  
The next day:

Mundy awakens in the bed of his van as the sunbeams of the hot desert shine in through the paneless windows. He sits up and stretches. Although his van was demolished, he still is in a good mood. His mood is always good after the day of the 31st of October, but this time because he's sure that he finally has his peace before Soldier.  
When he gets out of his van, Engie comes out of the base. When he sees him and his car, he immediately comes over to him.  
“What happened to your van?”  
“Oh that? This is the result of a night full of events.”  
“OK? Do you need help with the repairs?”  
“Would you help me with that?”  
“Of course.”  
“Thanks, mate.”  
“Never mind. Say, did you see Soldier? I think he did not return to Base yesterday.”  
“Uuummm…”

A loud bang makes the two wince. Mundy is worried that Merasmus is now haunting their base but it's not the wizard. Engineers Truck comes from the desert.  
“What the…?!”  
Dell's jaw drops and watches in disbelief as his beloved truck, completely demolished and limping, drives to the square in front of the base and stops there. Smoke escapes under the bonnet, one of the rear tires is flattened.  
The driver's door opens and Soldier gets out. He looks as awful as the truck. His costume is in many places eatened by fire, the antenna of his robot head is completely bent and now looks like a question mark. His left shoe is missing.  
Staggering, he approaches them both, takes Engie's hand and puts the car keys in there.  
“Thank you for lending me your truck. I have to sleep now.”  
And with these words, Jane scuffs like a zombie towards the base and disappears inside.  
Engineer still does not move. His eyes are fixed on his car. Mundy feels uncomfortable.  
“Well, I uh... I guess the repair on my van will probably have to wait.”  
The Texan still doesn’t react.  
With raised hands Sniper moves away. Once Dell freaks out, nobody wants to be around. Normally, he has a quiet nature, but sometimes there are situations where even a Dell hasn't himself under control. And that is just such a situation. Sniper is fed up with explosions and fortunately he reaches the base before Engie blows up.

………………………..  
………………………..  
………………………..  
„ **DAGIT NAGIT, NABIT DAGIT! DAGNABIT, DAMNIT! DAMN, DAGNABIT! DAUUUUUGGGHHHHH!** “

In the early evening of the same day:

“ **DAMNIT, DAMNIT, DAMNIT, DAMNIT! DARN!** Grrrr… Aw, hell… Well, with a few simple steps you are as good as new again.”  
Engineer is on his way to his workshop. In the base he meets a good-humored Soldier, who seems to be aware of no guilt.  
“Oh hello, Engie! Can I borrow your wrench?”  
“ **DAGIT NAGIT, NABIT DAGIT!** ”

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Halloween! And I wish all Americans and in America living Germans, Russians, Frenchman, Scots and Australians a happy 4th of July!


End file.
